Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
