Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
