I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
