I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
