Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can I color on your dick again?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
