We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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