im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
