I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
