you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
