I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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