please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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