When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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