i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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