i just google imaged poop.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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