We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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