It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The beer is more important than you right now.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
