I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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