I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
