just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
