I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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