When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
