Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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