If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
