I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
