My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
