Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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