he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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