Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
