Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Farmville is her only friend.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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