Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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