toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
