I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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