dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
sarcasm needs its own font
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
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