theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
