i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
