just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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