he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
