he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
