Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
