Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
