Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
