I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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