he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
