i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
