By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
