i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i believe in u and ur pee
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
