Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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