; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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