I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
