I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
