wanna go halves on a baby?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
