Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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